How to ask someone in your network to help you get your dream job
One of my best friends is the head of recruiting for a hot startup in San Francisco. She and I often swap stories about the best and most egregious emails we get from people in our network about job opportunities at our current and previous companies. We’ve found that the best and worst requests consistently share the same characteristics.
Generally speaking, people want to help other people—even people they barely know. However, people don’t want to spend time figuring out how to help or reading between the abstract lines on something as important as a job search. This is especially true when the person is not someone you know well, as you lack experience in decoding their communication style.
The best referral requests included the following:
A link to the job posting (confirms that the company is hiring for that role)
A few sentences on why the person is interested in the role and their unique qualifications
A resume attachment or a link to their LinkedIn profile
A straightforward request to either submit a referral OR provide feedback on what they can do to strengthen their candidacy
Asking for feedback is important and too often overlooked. Make it clear that you want and value input so the person on the receiving end of the request feels comfortable enough to share what may turn out to be incredibly valuable feedback—maybe you need to play up strengths that are buried in your resume, perhaps there is a red flag in your cover letter that you’re not aware of, or maybe you have a common profile but there are certain ways to make yourself stand out. You won’t find out about this unless you specifically request feedback. If you’re confident that you’re ready to apply, make it clear that you’re writing to ask them to submit a referral.
The best referral requests have been well organized and, most importantly, clearly actionable.
The worst examples were rude/overly demanding requests. Don’t forget to be polite, that’s all.
The next category of bad examples was the opposite of demanding: requests disguised as small talk:
-So, what’s it like to work at [company]?
-What’s [very senior executive] like to work with?
-Is everyone so excited by how [new launch] has been received?
-Congratulations on the new funding round! Would love to catch up soon.
-Do you want to grab coffee? I want to hear how things are going for you at [company].
You might think that you’re easing your way into a request, but asking these kinds of questions sends a message that you’re not sure you want to work at this company. Keep in mind that they probably get dozens of messages just like this! Would you want to submit a referral for someone you don’t know very well and who you’re not sure even wants to work for your company?
Of course, if you’re in the exploratory phase of job seeking, say so and offer to treat them to coffee or a lunch in exchange for their time.
Help people help you get your dream job by being clear and direct. People want to help, they just don’t want to have to figure out how.